3/1/13

The first day of March is here. Today. It's strange because sometimes it feels like this year is flying by and other times not so much. It's all about the perspective. If I think in terms of I only have five months of my apartment lease left...it's flying by. If I think of it in terms of how long it's been since my last trip home-home (to the country, to the land I grew up on, to the place where my family and pets reside)...it's crawling about as slow as pouring (or attempting to drizzle) cold molasses on your pancakes. If I think in terms of I'm about to be debt-free (again...let's not dig into that right now) sooner than I expected...it's, well, speeding right along. If I think about it in terms of the future and some of my current hopes and dreams...yeah, well...we're back to a snail's pace.

God is teaching me a lot about how intolerant I've been about His plan for and His timing of events in my life. You'd think I'd learned that lesson well in my wait for Mr. Right. It never ceases to amaze me what a wonderful man He has put in my life. Despite random breakdowns in communication and my...okay, sidenote: I have never thought of myself as a drama queen and in some ways I still don't think that defines me, but there are moments I don't believe me in that regard...emotional reactions to them, he is most often calm and steadfast and does really well at helping me calm down and get past it, too. It is impossible (you'll think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not)...I cannot stay mad at this man. I'll be fuming furiously, but the second he calls and the first thing out of his mouth is "I love you" or the moment I see his sweet, precious-to-me face looking tenderly at my distraught self, I melt. The anger dissipates like fog when the sun comes up. I know he loves me. I know he's human and I'm human and broken and sinful and sometimes making it work is work. It makes me appreciate the easy moments more and, folks, those easy moments are numerous. I adore this man and I love the time we spend together. Whether walking around Bass Pro Shop and talking for hours...whether sharing a blanket to watch an outdoor play...whether making dinner together...whether learning the sport of archery...whether sitting on the couch next to each other watching (or half-watching, half-working in his case) Big Bang Theory...do you get the point yet? It doesn't matter what we're doing. Doing it with him makes all the difference. God knew that we weren't ready for each other any sooner than now. I'm not going to least specific reasons because they really don't matter at the end of the day. The most important fact that I can stress here is that God knows what is best for His children and no matter how much we whine about it, He makes it happen according to His plan and timing. He knows all the infinite little details that we wouldn't begin to notice much less think about...all those details that make our stories. He knows every intimate detail of our beings...what we need and when we need it and why and how and...everything. So, back to the beginning of this looooong paragraph, lol, you'd think that having met the man I believe with every fiber of my being is the man God made for me and seeing God's goodness and recognizing why it had to happen how it did that I would be much more content in His way of doing things. Being OCD (this is an unofficial diagnosis and I think a mild case compared to some) is just an excuse for trying to control what isn't mine to control. What isn't possible for me to control. Am I making any sense?

You've probably figured out that the above novella-length paragraph is directly linked to the last sentence of the opening paragraph. If you haven't...no worries. You know now! By the way, I had no idea this post was going to come out like this. No planning involved here...just my thoughts spewing from my fingers as they fly across the oh-so-familiar computer keyboard. So, back on topic. I'm making a concerted effort not to check in with Cam anymore regarding progress toward a certain common goal which I will not name explicitly here. Yet. I'm praying that God will change my attitude about the what, when, where, how and everything in between. I truly want to rest in His timing because He is constantly proving (in my life and the lives of others around me) that His timing is nothing short of perfect.

Something else...I've decided to start writing my blog like I talk. Have you noticed the use of "it's" as opposed to "it is" or "we're" instead of "we are", etc.? I'm (there's another one!) so bad at remembering all those official English grammar rule names - I know there's a certain word for that...contractions? Yay - it came to me! I totally had to check it on dictionary.com first to confirm I was correct, but still...yay!!! I remembered! Okay, pat on the back...moving on. When I started the blog I took out all the contractions because I thought it made it look/sound polished...refined...educated. After reading a few other blogs that I have really appreciated in regards to the writing style (I could literally imagine listening to the person and hearing the same words spoken) I have become more convinced that really it just made me look like my nose was pointed high in the sky or I had a huge stick up my...ahem...you know. There was no reality in the tone. No inviting, hey-I'm-a-real-person-welcoming-you-into-my-world-ness about it. Yes, the squiggly line I'm seeing under that last phrase is driving me batty, lol!!! I'm glad it won't show up on your side of the post because otherwise I'd probably change it even though I kind of like how it expresses what I'm thinking. Back to the point which is basically this...I want my blog to start "sounding" like me.

I must share more, I must...I'm 200 bucks from being DEBT-FREE...!!!! No more car payments, student loan payments, credit card debt I can't pay off each month...it will be all gone. I thought I was more specific in my 2013 goals post about when I wanted to reach this goal, but turns out I wasn't. It simply states in "the first half of this year". Well, friends...when this is over on March 15th I will have made it happen in the FIRST QUARTER of the year. This just makes me want to jump, jump, jump....not bunny hops, I mean jumping up and down in the silliest fit of giggles and excitement you can imagine. That being said I can't take all the credit. Not by a long shot. Aside from God who convicted me about my debt, provided opportunities and moved me to make necessary choices to help the process of getting rid of it, my uncle and aunt invited me to live with them (part of the time it was rent-free) for almost a year (big opportunity there), I was blessed with two jobs (though honestly I think the part-time one just wore me out and tempted me with clothes much more expensive than I need for survival), I had much support and encouragement from my mom, and my man friend pitched in ways he probably doesn't even think about (i.e. purchasing some of my groceries now and then, letting me do laundry at his place, helping me make a budget). I've been so blessed!

Here's to the month ahead!