Bittersweetness

This past weekend was wonderful and hard at the same time. It was so good to visit home after such a long time away. To be ensconced in familiarity and the comfort of home and those I love, even for such a short time, was something I needed. My family celebrated my birthday and Poppa's together even though mine is not till this coming Saturday and his is today. Since I will be going to meet my sweetheart's family on my actual birthday, it was nice to get to celebrate early with mine. The bittersweet part is that there is a likely possibility this will be the last time to celebrate with my poppa. He is 88 years old today and suffering from Alzheimer's. Well, we assume it is Alzheimer's, but I do not think it has been officially diagnosed as such. At the least, it is the dementia that often accompanies old age. Does that make it any easier? Of course not. Nothing does. No matter how I tried to prepare myself mentally and emotionally before facing his lack of recognition, it all dissipated in an instant when he asked me who I am. Dear God, I wish it was not happening this way! How I wish his memory could be restored! So far, Poppa bears it well, though I know it frustrates him. Without Gran in the chair next to him he feels so lost and becomes agitated. She rarely leaves his side. They have been married for 66 years and so far she is the only one he knows without a shadow of doubt. She fears that he will forget her before he passes. There is also concern that he might grow violent as some Alzheimer's patients, like in the case of one of his sisters, are wont to do. If the need arises to put him in a nursing home, it will break her heart
I pray for continued strength for Gran who is the primary one taking care of Poppa. Also, for my parents who help tremendously. I pray for my cousins, my siblings and myself as we endure the heart-wrenching agony of "losing" the grandfather we have known and loved for most of our lives. His spirit lives, but it is a mere shadow of the man we remember and adore. I pray for peace for my Poppa as he grows anxious to join His Savior in the perfect place that is his Heavenly home where his mind and body will be restored to a perfection he has never known before.