Heavenly Holiday

So, obviously I was having a bad evening when I posted my last entry on the 15th. Though I cannot say that I am completely a-okay, I was blessed by a persistent friend that evening who called me until I picked up and then proceeded to remind me of several things, most importantly how much I have to be thankful for.

This is something I remind myself of quite often, so I cannot lie and say that I was not a little miffed that she felt she had to remind me. But in all honesty, what better way to crawl out of a dark hole than to readjust your focus onto God's gifts? Not just the big obvious things either...but onto every simple aspect of my life that I know is a product of His mercy and grace to me. Since then the majority of my Facebook statuses have been about what I am thankful for and not the petty thoughts and activities I use to fill my life.

I started with my feet/legs...strong and healthy they get me from point A to point B...I can dance and ride horses...run for exercise...I am thankful for my mobility.

Then I went to my hands...I make a living using my hands every day...I use my hands to create things...to play the piano...to help my friends and family when in need...I am thankful for my ability to "do".

Next I thanked Him for my eyesight...allowing me to enjoy sunrises...horses running...to see the beloved faces of my family...I can see!!!

Last, so far, I am thankful for my hearing...giddy birdsong...laughter of family and friends...beautiful music...convicting words from God and reassurances of His unfailing love...I can hear!!!

Those just barely scratch the surface.

Now here we are...Christmas Eve. I have insecurities I really do not understand...merely the thought of trying to untangle them is intimidating. In so many ways these insecurities keep me from true contentment and I am certain they put a strain on my relationships. I know of at least one that they may have affected...recent evidence somewhat disproves that theory, but there is no way for me to determine that for certain. But getting back on topic, despite all that, I am recognizing that there is very little that I actually need. Very little that I cannot live without. Thinking about all I have to be thankful for makes focusing on the heavenly aspect of this holiday much...easier. For the first time in my life I could not care less about what I get for Christmas on Saturday. I will be thankful for each gift, but none of those gifts will ever compare to the ultimate Gift this holiday represents. None of those gifts will be as dear to me as the time I will be spending with my family.

Without His Gift...without HIM...I would have no hope. No hope and absolutely no joy. I am really trying to make Him my everything as He should be. As He should have been since the day I asked Him to dwell in me, to renovate my soul.