Source of Joy

This week has been...unpleasant. The man I thought God had given me turns out to be more of a boy and it appears he does not know what he wants as clearly as he thought. Less than three weeks after asking my family's permission to date me, he ended it. Though confident I did nothing wrong (other than being too available, per my aunt), I feel rejected. Add to that the fact that I withdrew from school (absolutely could not handle the stress any longer, lost my desire for interior design thus lost my motivation) and now must talk to Daddy about it...and that I may not have a full-time position at my current job after December 23rd...hmmm, well, I have a bumpy road ahead. Nothing new really. Just nothing to look forward to on the horizon.

Except...

God has been opening my eyes. He has brought me to a point of recognition. Recognition of the sources I look to for joy. I am ashamed to say that typically those sources do not include Him. They include the people in my life - there are a lot of them - and my projects - their success or failure - and all of them fall short at some point. Usually multiple times. No wonder I am so freakin' unhappy. Thankfully, God has provided a friend who sent me a text at the perfect moment this morning. That text led to more text and eventually the discovery that I am not alone in my misguided search nor the desire to change things. I now have an accountability partner. We have decided to do everything we can to help each other in our desire to seek God and God alone as our source of joy. Today is the beginning.

Psalm 105:43 - "He brought forth His people with JOY, His chosen ones with a JOYful shout." I am completely ignoring the context here, but that is because I can apply it differently. When He made me, it was with JOY. Why try to find true joy in anything other than my Creator?