New Year

I was so glad to say farewell to 2010. What promised to be such a fairytale ending to it turned out to be a nightmare. Before that I came to the conclusion that what I thought I wanted to do for the rest of my life was not what I wanted after all. There was a measure of failure mixed in with that. Ah, what a stressful three months September, October and November were!!! Of course, mixed in that stressful time were some good things, bright happy spots: my Poppa and me celebrated our birthdays together once again, my best friend's baby shower was a success, I got to perform a couple of tangos with my former dance instructor, my mom's side of the family had Thanksgiving dinner at our home and my best friend delivered a healthy baby boy. December was a time of healing from heartbreak and recognizing that I have some issues deep inside that desperately need to be addressed. I did not finish all the projects I had planned, but that did not make Christmas at our house any less memorable. We also had a good Christmas with my dad's side of the family. I think this Christmas was the first time I truly would have been content to simply be with those I love. I have never in my life wracked my brain so hard for gift ideas! How can there be anything I need when I already have so much? I guess I somewhat got out of order in this walk down memory lane. Anywho...January through May saw me involved in two graduate level online classes. I decided I do not particularly like online classes, though they both ended well. Hospitality Administration just was not quite what I was aiming to do. Memorial weekend saw me headed to Natchez, MS with a dear friend to meet up with her aunt, grandmother and great-aunt with the intent to view some lovely antebellum homes. I want to go back for more. I have fallen in love with Longwood in particular. At the very end of June through the first few days of July I was in Woodbridge, VA visiting an old friend with whom I am becoming newly acquainted. She is fast becoming one of my closest friends once again and she desperately wants me to move to Virginia. Who knows? The opportunity may come. While there I saw a large part of Washington, D.C., Colonial Williamsburg and Gettysburg. I want to go back for more of that area, too. I saw so much and yet so little. So much history in that area it is difficult to decide where to go! My major summer project was cleaning out the room above the garage so that I could use it as a studio. It has been nice having a place to work on projects. I also threw away tons of junk that I have probably been moving around quite a bit the last few years. Though my bedroom is not in perfect order, it is definitely more livable currently. That pretty much brings me back to the fall semester that ended horrifically.

What have I learned? That I have absolutely no discernible direction in my life. I am frightfully uncertain about...well, it seems about everything. Being swept off your feet is not necessarily a good thing. I need to trust my instincts more and other people more carefully. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is so stop it in its tracks, turn around and walk away. There is probably more, but I am having a hard time putting it all to words.

This new year started splendidly with a pretty big trail ride at our favorite state park. Unfortunately, the ex was there looking as hot as the day I met him (so not fair) and it was awkward. Fortunately, I had many dear friends around me to help ease the awkwardness. I knew that if something went awry I had support...defenders. Not that I really expected him to be rude, but our previous encounter, the first time we had seen each other since the breakup, had not ended well so I was nervous. Really nervous. In addition to the friends and their support, I felt fabulous. And confident after a bit of the jitters had passed. It ended up being a perfectly splendid day. I was sore for several days after, but it was totally worth it. I have since been volunteered to hostess a baby shower which means, of course, that I did the invitations and that I am creating the decor. The shower takes place in a week. We also had friends over this weekend and had a fantastic time. We really must have company over more often. Other things I am not ready to talk about are going on, too. Good things, really...just personal.

So, here I am ten days into 2011. 2011...!!! I am a little over a year and half away from turning 30. I am nowhere near where I thought I would be. I have no clue where I am going. I do know that I am supposed to be thinking about goals, but I will save those for another post.